This was a very interesting post on many levels, Karen! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
What particularly resonated with me was when you wrote: "The truth is that to rewire my brain, so I’m no longer living in survival mode takes a lot more than living a quieter life, but who wants to read that changing your beliefs and behaviours can take years and is a tough road to travel; who wants to read that letting go of people pleasing, performing and being self critical is ongoing ‘work’ and isn’t just a matter of thinking differently? Not the stuff of dreams!" I couldn't agree more because I found myself in a very similar (or you could say the same) situation.
When I started my Substack almost a year ago, I thought I was further along on my healing path, that I had already changed my life and learned so much that I could pass on experiences and knew something that might help others. When the inevitable (that's what I know now), but for me at that moment surprising setbacks happened, although I thought I had it (almost) all figured out, I wasn't sure how to deal with it on my blog. Even the name "Happy Quiet Life" didn't seem to fit any longer. What to do? Would I present only the happy sides now although I went through tough times and ended up in survial mode again because people would expect that and would want to read only the good stuff? Or would I abandon my blog and deal with the setbacks privately? Or would I be honest with my journey and share my diffculties? (But exactly, who wants to read that? Here's where the quote above comes back in again.)
In the end, I decided to be very open and honest about it. For myself and for potential readers. Honesty was something I missed a lot with others, I'm not one who for superficiality either or for showing only the perfect, glamourous side, carefully curated and then passing it on as real life. Most of the time it isn't. In most cases, we actually know this, but sometimes we just don't want to believe it because we want to hope it can be true.
As inspiring as these stories can be, I think they put a lot of pressure on us. When we can't change as seemingly fast as others or we aren't successful changing our beliefs and behaviours in an instant, when just one walk doesn't heal everything, there's clearly something wrong with us, there has to be, right? Because others did it before, so it must be possible. Which can make us feel worse.
So as much as we need uplifting, inspiring stories, it's a good idea to remember that they are more often than not curated to fit a need. (I'm not writing about The Salt Path here, just in general.) But there are other needs too, like honesty and openness about what it can really be like. I like it real, not perfect, and it gives me so much more to read about honest journeys, ups and downs, learnings and setbacks and all. These are the Substack I enjoy the most - like yours. :) And I enjoy writing one of them too.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments Claudia. I've sometimes felt I'm progressing well along the 'healing road' too and then I have periods when I have really bad dreams for nights on end and I'll feel overwhelming physical anxiety for days. I used to feel so disappointed (in myself) as though I'm doing something wrong, buy I now know that's old conditioning. I've always believed I had to push myself, try harder, control everything and it's difficult to unwind those patterns. I had no idea all my behaviours were trauma/survival adaptations until fairly recently and it's taken me a long time to stop blaming myself/feeling weak for how I feel. All this week, I've woken up feeling anxious and I'm aware I've had disturbing dreams, even though I've forgotten them, but I know this is because I'm being a little more social and those protective parts me feel anxious and unsafe as a result. It's so tough being with people when I feel in a state of anxiety and panic when there's no current reason for it, but I know that's what I need to do to show my body it's safe. Trauma recovery is so much more than understanding why we feel as we do, it has to be felt in the body as you know. Talking about this and sharing it helps me know I'm not alone and that's so helpful for me. We're all our experiences aren't we, not just the 'acceptable' stuff and that's ok. Really appreciate and enjoy our connection Claudia, thank you 💕
I really enjoy and appreciate our connection too, Karen! 💕
"Trauma recovery is so much more than understanding why we feel as we do, it has to be felt in the body as you know." Yes, that's the tricky part and sometimes it feels extra hard. There are days when I say to myself 'I'm alright now, I processed my latest setback, I thought about it deeply and I'm okay with it now, I have a new perspective and I'm ready to go on", but my body wouldn't follow. It doesn't feel save again, no matter what my brain says. Quite frustrating sometimes.
I wish you all the best on your healing road, may your current dreams become calmer and may your anxiousness become less as soon as possible!
Thank you Claudia...I know exactly what you mean! I've thought about everything, analysed the situation and understood why I behaved/responded/felt as I did, so I'm ok in my brain, but my body is way behind. It takes such a long time doesn't it, but I guess every time we're 'for' ourselves makes us feel that little bit safer. Have a peaceful and contented afternoon and week ahead 😊 ✨️
I’m not familiar with any of this… what in the world led to all this concern about writers not being truthful? To think someone would read my posts/life stories and not believe?? Think I made it up? There are writers that tell stories and it’s stated up front… storytelling can be true or not, it’s good writing we cherish. I hate to think there are folks looking to bash others because it doesn’t sound true; sound right. Why would you do that? Substack deserves way more respect in this safe, supportive space.
The controversy around this particular book is that it was published as a true memoir, but allegedly it isn't true at all. Many people feel betrayed by the author, but I wanted to explore why we feel betrayed as readers when we haven't done anything 'wrong'. We can be quick to judge immediately someone is accused, but it's often better to reserve judgement and wait and see how the whole scenario evolves I feel.
Thanks for clarifying! I was reading comments too and getting more confused. Quick to judge is a habit to break for sure, I’ve learned to pause/wait and see when it comes to people or situations. Great writing and a piece to ponder, my friend! Appreciate you! ☺️🤗
Thank you, Karen, for this piece of writing and reflection. I haven't read the book, but I greatly appreciate your invitation to reconnect with ourselves and our truth. Discerning what is true for us does take work. It's not glamorous or even desirable, as there is no "quick fix." It takes daily, consistent action, and I am grateful for your own dedication to this work and for sharing your wisdom. Thank you. 🙏
Thank you so much for reading and commenting Brooke, I do appreciate it. It's a tough road to travel isn't it and takes resilience and determination, particularly when things seem to be going backwards. I've felt very shaky today, but I'm planning on socialising for a couple of hours tonight as I have a tendency to isolate when I feel uncertain. Wish me luck!
Two years ago I had a very difficult summer, and last year my husband was unwell - so it’s a timely reminder that healing is an ongoing process, and it’s never “one and done”. Thank you Grace for this perspective
It's such a tough lesson to learn Jenny and I've been so impatient at times. I hope I'm a little inclined to feel frustrated when things take a while. Sending best wishes for good health and happiness 😊
I also read all three books and enjoyed them. Ive read many books about long distance journeys over my years and recommend Dervla Murphy. I read endless books about the Camino before I walked it. There are three things that stand out to me from Winns journeys - a connection to nature, extended challenge, and reduced calorie intake. I find for myself that the connection to nature even in a very limited form such as walking the dog at the same time every day or putting out a bird feeder or putting my hands in soil to plant something has been massively beneficial. I would encourage everyone to walk in a park or in wilder countryside as often as possible for both mental and physical health. And of course the benefits of fasting are well documented and researched. I find that one harder! I do feel let down by her obscuring facts at the start of the book but I guess it’s tricky to get reader sympathy with a truth that says I embezzled a dollop of money and as a result we got into a fine financial mess. Her fourth book is due out in the autumn and I think that like many others I won’t be buying it.
I'm with you about the connection with nature and my life feels like an extended challenge at the minute! I've just done yoga outside and it's so hot already. I went for a walk in the countryside yesterday at 6.30am and it was just beautiful. I've heard of Dervla Murphy, but haven't read her books, so I'll check her out. You might like One Woman Walks Wales by Ursula Martin too. I've always wanted to walk the Camino and wonder if I'll ever do it with everything else I want to do. I won't buy RWs new book either and I'm not convinced many others will 😏
I'd never heard of the Salt Path or its author until now. But I read the link that Kathryn posted and skim read and archived version of the Observer piece. The latter came across to me as a deliberate hit job. That doesn't mean it doesn't contain nuggets of truth, but I absolutely got the impression that it was intended to tell a particular story and presented/selected evidence to meet the narrative while almost certainly ignoring anything that ran contrary to it.
Specifically, it seems to me that the piece was deliberately designed to cash in on the movie and to make money by ad clicks based on being controversial. I'm pretty sure the author is neither a pure saint nor a pure sinner and that absolutely nothing in the book states "this is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth".
I also wonder why Chloe Hadjimatheou, the journalist who wrote it, decided to investigate this and whether it might not be worth taking into account her other claim to fame - namely allegations that she produced a whitewash investigation at the behest of UK intelligence agencies of someone involved in the mess that was Syria (see e.g. https://thegrayzone.com/2021/04/07/bbc-white-helmets-mayday-uk-intelligence/ )
It's such a minefield Francis and I think when we pile on to someone in these situations, we often have to backtrack when other facts come to light. I was approached by a journalist to write an article recently and when it was published, the newspaper used a provocative header that I hadn't seen. It attracted literally thousands of negative comments about me and my life, so I know how things can be manipulated to sell newspapers. It'll be interesting to see how this issue develops.
I'm not as invested in the Salt Path story as some but it seemed a pretty big issue for some with the non-true aspects.
I am, as you already know, in a period of life where I am overcoming all that helped bring me down..thanks to a personality trait, trauma, grief and overdoing a LOT.
And time is one of the healers...they say, and it's true.
However, impatient me wants it all DONE... and that is not going to happen. I really feel grateful to read your truisms about 'no-one wants to read that' because...maybe we do need to share there are NO quick fixes to any health issues, particularly emotionally-based ones.
Hi Denyse, human behaviour and responses are so complex aren't they, but I'm finding reclaiming my agency is helping me to feel positive, rather than worrying about what everyone else thinks! That's something I've done for decades. Being honest and open is very scary and the risk of rejection feels overwhelming, but it's where connection lies and I love that. By sharing your story, you're offering us all something very powerful and it's so helpful to others...and hopefully to you! It's the start of another very hot sunny day here 😎 sending love x
I loved The Salt Path and Landlines so my initial reaction to the Observer article was a sense of something akin to betrayal but after sitting with that a while I realized that there have always been biographies and autobiographies that were incomplete or less than honest, so am I being fair to expect more from a memoirist? I wasn’t present for the events and conversations so I can’t verify anything 100%. If I’d been present my recollection might be different than the author’s or another witness. That applies to other involved parties and the investigative reporter too. We are all human, we all decide how much of our lives to share, how large a window we want to open. I’m not about to burn these or any other books. I am trying to find some grace for all involved. Raynor Winn has posted a statement on her website that answers the allegations in the article in a plausible way but the full truth will ever only be known by those who lived it. www.raynorwinn.co.uk
You're absolutely right that only those involved know the full truth of the situation. I'm always a little reticent to get involved in the immediate condemnation of people and as you say, give them some grace. My thoughts are that when we're quick to criticise others, it's usually because of a wound within us. Why should we feel betrayed when we've done nothing 'wrong?' Maybe we feel shame for trusting the writer, but then it's for us to heal our wounds and place responsibility where it belongs. Interesting to hear these different responses and thank you for reading and commenting Kathryn.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting Eve. I can recommend all those books, particularly if you're a memoir fan.
Ursula has written a book called One Woman Walks Wales too which is excellent.
You're so right in saying our perspectives shift; there are times I remember as particularly tough, but then I see a photo of myself at the time and I look happy!
Thank you for this reflection. I've not read the books mentioned, so there may be more fictionalization than I'm referring to here, however, the points you make so beautifully apply across the board for all of us.
I have a version of my past that I tell because I believe it to be accurate. Then, I'll read through a diary or have a conversation with someone in the same experience and see that I've altered things without realizing.
This is what we all do. We can only ever see from our own shifting perspectives which impact how we remember. Thank you for the wonderful reminder.
This was a very interesting post on many levels, Karen! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
What particularly resonated with me was when you wrote: "The truth is that to rewire my brain, so I’m no longer living in survival mode takes a lot more than living a quieter life, but who wants to read that changing your beliefs and behaviours can take years and is a tough road to travel; who wants to read that letting go of people pleasing, performing and being self critical is ongoing ‘work’ and isn’t just a matter of thinking differently? Not the stuff of dreams!" I couldn't agree more because I found myself in a very similar (or you could say the same) situation.
When I started my Substack almost a year ago, I thought I was further along on my healing path, that I had already changed my life and learned so much that I could pass on experiences and knew something that might help others. When the inevitable (that's what I know now), but for me at that moment surprising setbacks happened, although I thought I had it (almost) all figured out, I wasn't sure how to deal with it on my blog. Even the name "Happy Quiet Life" didn't seem to fit any longer. What to do? Would I present only the happy sides now although I went through tough times and ended up in survial mode again because people would expect that and would want to read only the good stuff? Or would I abandon my blog and deal with the setbacks privately? Or would I be honest with my journey and share my diffculties? (But exactly, who wants to read that? Here's where the quote above comes back in again.)
In the end, I decided to be very open and honest about it. For myself and for potential readers. Honesty was something I missed a lot with others, I'm not one who for superficiality either or for showing only the perfect, glamourous side, carefully curated and then passing it on as real life. Most of the time it isn't. In most cases, we actually know this, but sometimes we just don't want to believe it because we want to hope it can be true.
As inspiring as these stories can be, I think they put a lot of pressure on us. When we can't change as seemingly fast as others or we aren't successful changing our beliefs and behaviours in an instant, when just one walk doesn't heal everything, there's clearly something wrong with us, there has to be, right? Because others did it before, so it must be possible. Which can make us feel worse.
So as much as we need uplifting, inspiring stories, it's a good idea to remember that they are more often than not curated to fit a need. (I'm not writing about The Salt Path here, just in general.) But there are other needs too, like honesty and openness about what it can really be like. I like it real, not perfect, and it gives me so much more to read about honest journeys, ups and downs, learnings and setbacks and all. These are the Substack I enjoy the most - like yours. :) And I enjoy writing one of them too.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments Claudia. I've sometimes felt I'm progressing well along the 'healing road' too and then I have periods when I have really bad dreams for nights on end and I'll feel overwhelming physical anxiety for days. I used to feel so disappointed (in myself) as though I'm doing something wrong, buy I now know that's old conditioning. I've always believed I had to push myself, try harder, control everything and it's difficult to unwind those patterns. I had no idea all my behaviours were trauma/survival adaptations until fairly recently and it's taken me a long time to stop blaming myself/feeling weak for how I feel. All this week, I've woken up feeling anxious and I'm aware I've had disturbing dreams, even though I've forgotten them, but I know this is because I'm being a little more social and those protective parts me feel anxious and unsafe as a result. It's so tough being with people when I feel in a state of anxiety and panic when there's no current reason for it, but I know that's what I need to do to show my body it's safe. Trauma recovery is so much more than understanding why we feel as we do, it has to be felt in the body as you know. Talking about this and sharing it helps me know I'm not alone and that's so helpful for me. We're all our experiences aren't we, not just the 'acceptable' stuff and that's ok. Really appreciate and enjoy our connection Claudia, thank you 💕
I really enjoy and appreciate our connection too, Karen! 💕
"Trauma recovery is so much more than understanding why we feel as we do, it has to be felt in the body as you know." Yes, that's the tricky part and sometimes it feels extra hard. There are days when I say to myself 'I'm alright now, I processed my latest setback, I thought about it deeply and I'm okay with it now, I have a new perspective and I'm ready to go on", but my body wouldn't follow. It doesn't feel save again, no matter what my brain says. Quite frustrating sometimes.
I wish you all the best on your healing road, may your current dreams become calmer and may your anxiousness become less as soon as possible!
Thank you Claudia...I know exactly what you mean! I've thought about everything, analysed the situation and understood why I behaved/responded/felt as I did, so I'm ok in my brain, but my body is way behind. It takes such a long time doesn't it, but I guess every time we're 'for' ourselves makes us feel that little bit safer. Have a peaceful and contented afternoon and week ahead 😊 ✨️
Thank you, Karen! We will get there, we will! 🥰
I’m not familiar with any of this… what in the world led to all this concern about writers not being truthful? To think someone would read my posts/life stories and not believe?? Think I made it up? There are writers that tell stories and it’s stated up front… storytelling can be true or not, it’s good writing we cherish. I hate to think there are folks looking to bash others because it doesn’t sound true; sound right. Why would you do that? Substack deserves way more respect in this safe, supportive space.
The controversy around this particular book is that it was published as a true memoir, but allegedly it isn't true at all. Many people feel betrayed by the author, but I wanted to explore why we feel betrayed as readers when we haven't done anything 'wrong'. We can be quick to judge immediately someone is accused, but it's often better to reserve judgement and wait and see how the whole scenario evolves I feel.
Thanks for clarifying! I was reading comments too and getting more confused. Quick to judge is a habit to break for sure, I’ve learned to pause/wait and see when it comes to people or situations. Great writing and a piece to ponder, my friend! Appreciate you! ☺️🤗
Thanks Joan.
Thank you, Karen, for this piece of writing and reflection. I haven't read the book, but I greatly appreciate your invitation to reconnect with ourselves and our truth. Discerning what is true for us does take work. It's not glamorous or even desirable, as there is no "quick fix." It takes daily, consistent action, and I am grateful for your own dedication to this work and for sharing your wisdom. Thank you. 🙏
Thank you so much for reading and commenting Brooke, I do appreciate it. It's a tough road to travel isn't it and takes resilience and determination, particularly when things seem to be going backwards. I've felt very shaky today, but I'm planning on socialising for a couple of hours tonight as I have a tendency to isolate when I feel uncertain. Wish me luck!
Good luck! ✨
Two years ago I had a very difficult summer, and last year my husband was unwell - so it’s a timely reminder that healing is an ongoing process, and it’s never “one and done”. Thank you Grace for this perspective
It's such a tough lesson to learn Jenny and I've been so impatient at times. I hope I'm a little inclined to feel frustrated when things take a while. Sending best wishes for good health and happiness 😊
I also read all three books and enjoyed them. Ive read many books about long distance journeys over my years and recommend Dervla Murphy. I read endless books about the Camino before I walked it. There are three things that stand out to me from Winns journeys - a connection to nature, extended challenge, and reduced calorie intake. I find for myself that the connection to nature even in a very limited form such as walking the dog at the same time every day or putting out a bird feeder or putting my hands in soil to plant something has been massively beneficial. I would encourage everyone to walk in a park or in wilder countryside as often as possible for both mental and physical health. And of course the benefits of fasting are well documented and researched. I find that one harder! I do feel let down by her obscuring facts at the start of the book but I guess it’s tricky to get reader sympathy with a truth that says I embezzled a dollop of money and as a result we got into a fine financial mess. Her fourth book is due out in the autumn and I think that like many others I won’t be buying it.
I'm with you about the connection with nature and my life feels like an extended challenge at the minute! I've just done yoga outside and it's so hot already. I went for a walk in the countryside yesterday at 6.30am and it was just beautiful. I've heard of Dervla Murphy, but haven't read her books, so I'll check her out. You might like One Woman Walks Wales by Ursula Martin too. I've always wanted to walk the Camino and wonder if I'll ever do it with everything else I want to do. I won't buy RWs new book either and I'm not convinced many others will 😏
I'd never heard of the Salt Path or its author until now. But I read the link that Kathryn posted and skim read and archived version of the Observer piece. The latter came across to me as a deliberate hit job. That doesn't mean it doesn't contain nuggets of truth, but I absolutely got the impression that it was intended to tell a particular story and presented/selected evidence to meet the narrative while almost certainly ignoring anything that ran contrary to it.
Specifically, it seems to me that the piece was deliberately designed to cash in on the movie and to make money by ad clicks based on being controversial. I'm pretty sure the author is neither a pure saint nor a pure sinner and that absolutely nothing in the book states "this is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth".
I also wonder why Chloe Hadjimatheou, the journalist who wrote it, decided to investigate this and whether it might not be worth taking into account her other claim to fame - namely allegations that she produced a whitewash investigation at the behest of UK intelligence agencies of someone involved in the mess that was Syria (see e.g. https://thegrayzone.com/2021/04/07/bbc-white-helmets-mayday-uk-intelligence/ )
It's such a minefield Francis and I think when we pile on to someone in these situations, we often have to backtrack when other facts come to light. I was approached by a journalist to write an article recently and when it was published, the newspaper used a provocative header that I hadn't seen. It attracted literally thousands of negative comments about me and my life, so I know how things can be manipulated to sell newspapers. It'll be interesting to see how this issue develops.
BTW I wrote a much longer version of this comment on my more political substack because the more I thought about it the more annoyed I became
https://ombreolivier.substack.com/p/saints-sinners-and-the-salt-path
Bravo Karen. This is an awesome and timely post.
I'm not as invested in the Salt Path story as some but it seemed a pretty big issue for some with the non-true aspects.
I am, as you already know, in a period of life where I am overcoming all that helped bring me down..thanks to a personality trait, trauma, grief and overdoing a LOT.
And time is one of the healers...they say, and it's true.
However, impatient me wants it all DONE... and that is not going to happen. I really feel grateful to read your truisms about 'no-one wants to read that' because...maybe we do need to share there are NO quick fixes to any health issues, particularly emotionally-based ones.
Great to connect always,
Denyse
Hi Denyse, human behaviour and responses are so complex aren't they, but I'm finding reclaiming my agency is helping me to feel positive, rather than worrying about what everyone else thinks! That's something I've done for decades. Being honest and open is very scary and the risk of rejection feels overwhelming, but it's where connection lies and I love that. By sharing your story, you're offering us all something very powerful and it's so helpful to others...and hopefully to you! It's the start of another very hot sunny day here 😎 sending love x
Thank you for sharing & helping me too! Cold as..here! Enjoy the summer while you can! D x
Absolutely! We rarely get a 'proper' summer, so this is a treat. Have a lovely weekend too x
I loved The Salt Path and Landlines so my initial reaction to the Observer article was a sense of something akin to betrayal but after sitting with that a while I realized that there have always been biographies and autobiographies that were incomplete or less than honest, so am I being fair to expect more from a memoirist? I wasn’t present for the events and conversations so I can’t verify anything 100%. If I’d been present my recollection might be different than the author’s or another witness. That applies to other involved parties and the investigative reporter too. We are all human, we all decide how much of our lives to share, how large a window we want to open. I’m not about to burn these or any other books. I am trying to find some grace for all involved. Raynor Winn has posted a statement on her website that answers the allegations in the article in a plausible way but the full truth will ever only be known by those who lived it. www.raynorwinn.co.uk
You're absolutely right that only those involved know the full truth of the situation. I'm always a little reticent to get involved in the immediate condemnation of people and as you say, give them some grace. My thoughts are that when we're quick to criticise others, it's usually because of a wound within us. Why should we feel betrayed when we've done nothing 'wrong?' Maybe we feel shame for trusting the writer, but then it's for us to heal our wounds and place responsibility where it belongs. Interesting to hear these different responses and thank you for reading and commenting Kathryn.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting Eve. I can recommend all those books, particularly if you're a memoir fan.
Ursula has written a book called One Woman Walks Wales too which is excellent.
You're so right in saying our perspectives shift; there are times I remember as particularly tough, but then I see a photo of myself at the time and I look happy!
Thank you for this reflection. I've not read the books mentioned, so there may be more fictionalization than I'm referring to here, however, the points you make so beautifully apply across the board for all of us.
I have a version of my past that I tell because I believe it to be accurate. Then, I'll read through a diary or have a conversation with someone in the same experience and see that I've altered things without realizing.
This is what we all do. We can only ever see from our own shifting perspectives which impact how we remember. Thank you for the wonderful reminder.
Thanks for the mention and enjoyed your piece, it makes some really good points about curated lives and memoirs.
Thank you for reading it Pete!